Why is this debate still going on? What is there still such
a stigma attached to my choice? Why do I still get the question “now that the
kids are both going to school are you going back to work?”
The question that flows from a bunch of “well meaning”
individuals who are just “curious.” But I guess I really just want to add this
to the (ever growing) list of questions you just don’t need to ask. You know
that list of questions that people seem to feel are there right to ask of moms.
“Don’t you think it is time to have another baby?” “Wouldn’t your husband
really like a boy? “Are you to try again for a boy?” “Weren’t you really hoping
for a boy?” “Your husband secretly really want a boy doesn’t he?”
Well yes, we have 2 girls, and are we going to “try for a
boy?” well that is really NONE of your business in the end now is it? And I
would also like to say that my husband is happy and feels blessed that we have
the 2 children God gave us. Cause it wasn’t actually like I have the choice as
to what gender our children were.
Just like there is a stigma that because we have girls and
no boys that we should be trying for a boy, to “carry on the family name; there
seems to be a stigma that because the kids are going to school (even if just
barely) that I should be looking for a job. As if I haven’t had a job for the
last 7 years.
As it turns out I feel I’ve had a job, and STILL have a job.
Even though it is a job with none of the benefits of a paycheck, 401K, social
security, medical, dental, vision, sick days, paid time off, quitting time, 40
hour work weeks, or weekends off, I still feel it is a job.
You may disagree with me and that’s fine. I’m not here to
have the working mom vs. stay at home mom debate. I don’t care if you work,
that is your business. I don’t think your kids will grow up feeling neglected,
and your family will suffer because you work. I just don’t think any of that is
true. It is different of course. But I grew up in a family with two working
parents and I turned out fine (at least I think so).
But my husband and I decided when we had kids that we wanted
someone home with the kids. We wanted to be the ones to care for our kids in
the early years. We just didn’t want to miss that. So I quit my job as teacher
to stay home with them. But now that both are in school even though the
youngest one is only in school 2 mornings a week, people expect my job is done.
I disagree. I feel like my job only gets more important. I
have less time with them, to influence them, to love on them, to encourage
them, to give them confidence. I don’t think any mom disagrees with that
because I think it is something all moms have in common. If you are working you
want to spend the time you do have with your family enjoying them and being present.
But I know the question remains. What will I (or do I) do with my “free” time?
I think that is what people are really “concerned” about.
They want to know how I’m going to use my time. But I think that is why I just
don’t understand how it is their business. I’m not a drain on society being a
stay at home mom. We aren’t on public assistance, we pay all our own bills, we
own our home, we have 2 cars, we have savings for emergencies and retirement,
we ‘want’ for nothing. So what does it matter what I do with MY time. Or my
families time as I like to think of it. Even though I am the only one home at
the time it is what I do with my time will affect the rest of my family.
So… No. That is the answer to your question. Not that I
think it is any of anyone’s business but the fact remains that the answer is
no. No I’m not going back to work. I am staying at work at the home. I will
continue to run the house, from home. I will continue to be the primary
caregiver to our kids, help them with homework, take them to the bus and get
them off when they get home. I will also continue to keep the house clean,
dishes done and house organized (though that process gets easier to do without
kids around all the time). I will also continue to try to grow my business from
home.
My small sewing business does keep me occupied when I have
too much “free” time, and right now I haven’t had enough time to put into it.
But it is something I enjoy and is a way to help the family financially too;
cause even though we don’t NEED the money who doesn’t enjoy a bit of extra cash
at the same time.
So to all my at home moms, and working moms out there. I
think we need to ignore the questions and just keep doing what we are doing and
enjoy our families however they are configured. And for all of you out there
wondering about the family dynamics of someone else’s family just ask yourself
before, why do you really want to know? and is it really any of your business?
